Yet another bleeping day that started out well and ended up with me feeling like merde.
warning: if you don't like to hear about the symptoms of tummy upsets, don't read any further.
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I have a tummy upset (loose motions for the last couple of days, now nausea). I rang my oncologist to see what I should do. I was worried that I might have a touch of gastro or the flu, but speaking to my lovely med onc. has just given me something new to worry about.
He said to discontinue the Augmentin Duo right away, and to start on flucloxcyllin. He asked if I had any shivering or tummy pain, and said I should give a stool sample if symptoms continue, because I'm at risk of clostridium difficult after being on antibiotics.
I've done some reading, and wish I hadn't. http://www.merckmanuals.com/home/digestive_disorders/clostridium_difficile-induced_colitis/clostridium_difficile-induced_colitis.html
So I've increased my intake of probiotics, and I am NOT going to get this complication. I'm going to eat dry toast for dinner, if my appetite returns, and I'm drinking hydralite in water to make sure I don't get dehydrated.
I'm bloody well sick of this. I'd like to have my life back. I'd like to have just one day when I feel good from beginning to end. I'd like to stop being at risk of life-threatening infections. I'd like to get through the day without getting so tired. I'd like to sleep through the night. I'd like people to start emailing me again, I miss hearing from people. I miss my work, I miss being able to live my life blissfully ignorant of how crappy it is to feel unwell.
(Deep breath) only ten weeks to go until chemo is finished. The new chemo drug shouldn't make me feel so unwell. I will be fine. I'm just sick of feeling like a neurotic, hypochondriacal drama queen. I don't want to be admitted to hospital again, but I don't want to put myself at risk by avoiding seeking help for symptoms. I wish it would all just go away, but I have to get through this treatment so that I can get on with life, so that my family can resume some sort of normal existence.
At least the weather is beautiful.
A blog started in 2013 to inform family and friends about my treatment and progress for early breast cancer. Then I went and got two brain tumours,,both GBMs, completely unrelated to the breast cancer, so the blog continues.
Background and overview
I learnt more about the health system from being an inpatient than I had in 20 years of working as a neuropsychologist. I was unexpectedly diagnosed with two brain tumours on 4/9/13. They turned out to be grade IV Gliomas (glioblastoma multiforme (GBM)). After removal of the right parietal and left occipital tumours, I received the standard treatment under the Stupp protocol (combined Temozolamide (TMZ) and conformal radiotherapy 5 days/week for 6 weeks), but the TMZ had to be ceased after 5 weeks because I had started to develop pancytopenia, where more than one of my blood counts had begun to drop. By Christmas 2013, I had become anaemic and needed a couple of blood transfusions. I ended up in hospital for 3 weeks of the 2014 new year after experiencing my first seizure (suggestive of a right temporal lobe focus) on 31/12/13). They were so worried about my bone marrow, they did a biopsy. Luckily, it was all clear of any nasty disorders. It had just been suppressed by the TMZ My blood counts slowly returned to normal with daily injections of GCSF, which stimulate bone marrow function, for several months. For 17 months I was doing better each day, without any physical impairments or major cognitive problems A third brain tumour was found in the right temporal lobe on 2/1/15, and removed 6/1/15, only to reappear on 17/2/15 after I started to feel vague symptoms at the end of 2014. I had my 4th round of brain surgery on 1/3/15, followed by stereotaxic radio surgery of a residual, inoperable, tumour, on 17/4/15. I've been feeling like my old self again since that highly precise form of radiotherapy, and it feels fabulous.
My way of coping.
I choose to live in hope that everything will work out for the best. I've learnt that even though things are sometimes unpleasant, life and love go on forever. I put my faith in the life force that created and unites us all in love, across all time, space, and dimensions. I refuse to succumb to fear, which is an invention of our imaginations. There are an infinite number of things to fear, both in this world an in our imaginations, and most of them never eventuate. I choose not to dwell on them, and to focus instead on counting my many blessings, current and past, and to have faith and hope that if I look after the present moment, the future will look after itself.
If you're reading, and haven't been in touch, please don't be shy, send me a brief private message using the contact form on the right. It's nice to know who's out there. Blogging can leave me feeling a little isolated at times (I used to have recurrent dreams of being out on a limb over a canyon, or of starting to strip off in a crowded waiting room). Your emails are appreciated, although I can't necessarily answer all of them.
